you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
