Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
