Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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