Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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