apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
