Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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