If that was your dad, he is hot
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
