Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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