looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
