We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
