That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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