I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All the doctor said was why
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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