party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
