Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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