You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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