They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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