What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
