This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
