Even my vagina gasped.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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