you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
