It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
