Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
