I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
