Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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