you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
