Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
operation have a gay friend backfired
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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