I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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