apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
