I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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