Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I FOUND THE LEGS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
