Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How does one acquire holy water?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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