True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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