when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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