awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
