Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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