i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
