Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
