Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
