just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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