I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
