I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
