Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
