sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
