I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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