If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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