Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
