Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
