My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
