the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jerry, you need to find god
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
