Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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