I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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