Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
