Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
