Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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