if only i could text you this smell
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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