the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
True strength comes from lack of pants
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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