I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
