jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
