Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
