put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
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I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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