My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
