Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
