I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
