Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
