Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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