If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?